This
was all thrown at me with the best intentions, but it was overwhelming,
nonetheless.
As a
new mother, you will often hear, “You should,” “You’ll want to,” and “You’ve
got to.” It feels like a new number need to be created to measure the number of
suggestions a new mother receives in her first year of motherhood.
Of
course, those feelings of love and gratitude persist to this day, and so do the
recommendations.
And
that’s coming from an expert, a professional, in the childcare field.
I can
only imagine the tidal waves of hints and advice that must overwhelm a mother
who openly asks for it.
There’s
no such thing as a casual mom. This job is full-time, no matter if you’re a
stay-at-home-mom, a working mom, or somewhere in between.
Your
kids are on your mind 24/7, regardless of what’s going on, so we tend to do a
lot of research, and with access to unlimited data via the internet,
Waterstones, or your mother-in-law, (the latter having the most to say, by a
mile) it’s inevitable that we get some conflicting information.
Although
when it comes to kids, the discussion even eclipses politics for the sheer
divisiveness and claiming opinion as fact.
I
want to focus on my area of expertise, that being sleep, and try to dispel some
of the more popular myths I’ve seen in parenting forums, heard from Mom groups
I’ve spoken with.
Myths and Common Misconceptions
1.
Sleeping too much during the day will keep baby up at night.
Not
likely, except in extreme cases. Unless your little one is sleeping practically
all day and up all night, you probably don’t need to concern yourself with the
length of their naps. Newborns especially need a ton of sleep. In fact, up
until about 6 months, I don’t recommend that your little one be awake for more
than about 2 – 21/2 hours at a time. For newborns, that number is more like 45
minutes to an hour.
What
keeps babies awake at night, more than anything else, is overtiredness. You
might think that an exhausted baby is more likely to sack out for a full night
than one who slept all day, but it’s actually just the opposite.
The
reason we refer to it as being “overtired” is because baby has missed the
“tired” phase. This results in their bodies starting to kick back into gear,
which keeps them from falling and staying asleep. A baby who has gotten a
decent amount of sleep during the day is far less likely to miss the sleep
window.
There
are substantial variations depending on baby’s age and the length of their
naps, however up to 6 months, it’s common for baby to be sleeping around 5
hours a day outside of night time sleep, so if your little one is still within
those guidelines, let them snooze.
2.
Sleeping is a natural development and cannot be taught.
Sleeping
is natural, absolutely.
Everybody
wakes up and falls back to sleep multiple times a night, regardless of their
age. So no, you can’t teach a child to be sleepy. What can be taught, however,
is the ability to fall back to sleep independently.
The
typical “bad sleeper” of a baby isn’t less in need of sleep, or more prone to
waking up. They’ve just learned to depend on outside assistance to get back to
sleep when they wake up.
Once
your little one has figured out how to get to sleep without assistance from
outside sources, they start stringing those sleep cycles together absolutely
effortlessly, and that’s the secret to “sleeping through the night” as most
parents understand it.
3.
Babies will naturally dictate their own sleep schedule
False
The idea
that an infant’s physiology could be so flawless and naturally programmed in
order to regulate a baby’s schedule is, to be blunt, laughable. Nothing against
Mother Nature, but she doesn’t provide us with a ready-to-run baby like she
does with, the blue wildebeest. (Seriously? Walking six minutes after birth?
Outrunning predators within a day? Our babies are cuter, but clearly not as
prepared for battle straight out of the womb.)
Our
babies need extensive care and help in their development, and their sleep
cycles are unbelievably erratic if left unregulated. If they miss their natural
sleep cycle by as little as a half hour, their cortisol production can increase
which causes a surge in energy, and things quickly spiral out of control. So as
much as I wish babies could just fall asleep when they’re tired, it simply
doesn’t work that way. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t respond to their
cues, but you shouldn’t rely exclusively on them either.
4.
Sleep training is stressful for the baby and can affect the parent-child
attachment.
Nope.
This
isn’t just me talking here, this is supported by the American Academy of
Pediatrics. According to a 2016 study conducted by eight of their top
researchers, behavioral intervention, (A.K.A Sleep training) “provide(s) significant
sleep benefits above control, yet convey(s) no adverse stress responses or
long-term effects on parent-child attachment or child emotions and behavior.”
Not a whole lot of grey area there.
5.
Babies are not “designed” to sleep through the night.
Putting
aside religious beliefs, we can all agree that, even if babies were “designed”
somehow, whoever did the designing left plenty of room for some upgrades.
Trusting
your child’s physiology to dictate their sleep schedule, their eating habits,
their behavior, or just about any other aspect of their upbringing is a recipe
for disaster.
Is
your toddler designed to eat three pounds of gummy bears? Surely not. Will they
if you do not intervene. Without a doubt.
Our
little ones need our expertise and authority to guide them through their early
years, and probably will for decades after that. This is especially true when
it comes to sleep.
Some
babies are naturally gifted sleepers, for sure, but don’t rely on the advice of
those who tell you that babies should dictate their schedules.
You’re
in charge because you know best, even if it may not feel like it sometimes.
Reliable Resources
There
are obviously plenty more myths and misconceptions surrounding babies and their
sleep habits, but these are some of the most important to get the facts on.
Remember,
there are endless posts on social media and websites that portray themselves as
factual, but there’s nothing stopping them from making that claim, regardless
of their accuracy or basis in actual scientific evidence.
Google
scholar is great.
Find
peer-reviewed scientific study on all things baby-related, and trusted sources
like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the National Institutes of Health,
Britain’s National Health Service, Canada’s Hospital for Sick
Children,
the World Health Organization, and other national children’s health
organizations are excellent sources of information you can feel confident about
using to answer questions about your baby’s health.
And if you want more information about the benefits of sleep, I’m more than willing to help.
